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  • Writer's pictureMartin van Zeelandt / TCD

Greazy Puzzy Fuckerz Interview (2019)

We have the honour to speak to this biggest live act in the world right now: Greazy Puzzy Fuckerz! You have seen their names before and have checked out their Sextapes already, but we are going to take a deeper look into who they are, what they represent, and what you can expect 2 weeks from now, at their first solo event: ‘This Is Not A GPF Event’. Be prepared for probably the weirdest interview you have ever seen.

Explicit Content Warning

Q: Hey GPF, how are you doing? How’s life at the moment?

"We can’t complain. We’ve just had some breakfast (chocolate cereal with water instead of milk) and it was delicious – a great way to start the day."

Q: The kids all want to know who you are, so let’s take off the masks and reveal ourselves! Who’s behind the masks? Is it Sefa? Is it Rooler? Who are you?

"Everyone knows that everybody is GPF. If you’re feeling the Greaziness then you can be a part of this sexy, chaotic period."

Q: According to several websites the idea was created when 2 fucked up minds came together many moons ago. Now you are an established name, but give us an insight to the exact moment when GPF was born.

"We actually recently answered this question in another interview but we’re happy to explain it again. Our great grandfathers created GPF back in the early 1900s when they were out hunting for goldfish. Legend has it that Captain Greazy and Lord Puzzy invented the hardcore sound back in those days and we do have proof to back it up but it’s stored safely in a secret place."

Q: What’s the meaning behind GPF? It was created to remove boundaries from the harder styles, yet you create singlehandedly a new boundary!

"We can give you a serious answer here, for once! We just wanted to bring some originality and most importantly FUN to the scene. Everything seems so serious at the moment and it’s nice to lighten up and see people smile, laugh and get involved with the whole act. There’s 1000s of serious acts out there so surely there’s room for us occasionally! If we can help people to smile and have fun, then we are happy too."

Q: Can you describe GPF in 3 words?

"Moist, Soggy, Damp."

Q: It still doesn’t make any sense. This act has been so unique in the harder styles scene (not the masks, that has been done before (see Angerfist)), and the amount of sexual words in each records, and the amount of inflatable penises and blow up dolls at each event is just ridiculous. You know what they say about people who talk a lot about sex? They don’t get a lot. Is that true?

"Yes it’s true. The only people we have touched sexually are each other and that was completely by accident. Mr Puzzy was in the bathroom one day, he forgot to lock the door I walked in, slipped, and brushed my penis against his naked shoulder. It was terrifying. "

Q: The tracks are all so different, you can’t compare them to anything else. What kind of approach do you have before making a record? How much beer goes down your throat before you come up with those ludicrous records?

"We’re always sober when we create these tracks. The only rule that we have is that we have to be sock-less and in a bath when we start the new record. It also helps if we drink some apple juice beforehand but that’s not essential."

Q: It’s no mystery anymore who’s behind it. We have to spill the beans. But what many people might not know is that GPF is for everyone, and contains everyone. It was created to have a fun and sexy time. Have you ever snorted dried up anal lube up a 5 pound note?

"Never take drugs, kids. Eat 5 portions of fruit and veg per day and make sure you get 6 hours of sleep per night. We did shampoo a goat once.. he was very grateful for the pampering. Oh, and we trimmed his nails as they were getting a bit long."

Q: Back to reality. Already two albums in the bag, and many performances all over the world. It was created to have fun and exciting times (see= sexy), but it has become serious. It’s not a joke anymore, and the act has gained a huge following. Is it something you did expect when GPF was created, or were you thinking that it might be a one-day thing, and people would soon forget about it?

"Of course, we never truly expected it to grow this big, this quickly but we are very grateful for it! We see that a lot of people think we are just making a joke out of the scene or trying to ruin something but these people don’t understand that we’re trying to create our own brand, image, sound, genre ect.. Believe it not, behind the scenes is professional (in a GPF way) even if it looks like all we do is rub each other’s inflatable penises. We put in the hard work but of course the ultimate goal is to make sure everyone is having fun! That’s what parties are for."

Q: The albums were a huge success. The promotion around it was just splendid (credit to the social media expert, keeping GPF fresh and uplifting, and yet unique). Your posts do reach thousands of fans, and comments all around. What’s the secret behind this success?

"Originality, fun, randomness.. We found that if you don’t follow the ‘normal’ rules then it seems to work well. It also helps to never iron your clothes and only drink sparkling water."

Q: Balls, I completely forgot! The masks! Where do they come from? Those masks are obviously linked to the act, but are not remotely sexy. Why these masks, and who came up with this idea?

"The masks are called ‘Rubies Skinner Mask’ and can be found online. We just wanted something unique and gruesome but somehow it’s turned into a sex idol."

Q: Two albums already. Any future plans for more sexy albums? Do they also come with dildos and stickers?

"We are always planning something new. 2019 is going to be filled with music, sweat, dildos and stickers. And hair."

Q: This whole act has grown so rapidly, you also have merchandise. From the lightest pink shirts to hoodies with ‘Matty is Alive’ written on it. Yet no real size dildos or dolls. Will we be seeing those in the webshop any day soon?

"Our main dream in life is to become sex shop owners and sell sex toys globally to old men."

Q: You all bring the madness to each event you play at. No matter where it is. But which event was the first, where did you showcase GPF for the first time?

"Ground Zero was our first, closing the raw stage. It was packed and insane. It all was up from there!"

Q: Which event has been the most memorable one so far? And why?

"Probably HOH. The crowd just understood GPF and the reactions were mind blowing. And we didn’t wear pants behind the decks so you could really feel the nice breeze on your balls."

Greazy Puzzy Fuckerz @ Harmony Of Hardcore

Q: Talking about events makes my underwear moist. I’m obviously thinking about the upcoming GPF event in Time-Out in Gemert, The Netherlands. You promised us a wicked night, but what does that involve?

"We’re planning on a really soothing need filled with hookah pipes, melodic trance and maybe some progressive house. We’ve got a petting zoo backstage and also a milkshake vendor. Are you ready for the insanity?"

Q: The line-up (again, credit for that!) is so different! Caine, D-Fence, Distinction, Jeff, Ludo, Maren-Kessel Tunnel Rave, Qriminal, Rooler, Thera, and of course yourselves. The line-up is truly astonishing, but why ask Caine? Wasn’t really necessary to add him to the line-up, or was it?

"Caine is a great friend of the family and we think he deserves a spot on this lineup. It wasn’t necessary but we thought it would be nice to help a friend out. Also he has promised a handjob to all three of us for letting him play."

Q: 75% of the tickets have sold so far. If you had to appeal to those people who want to go but haven’t made a decision yet because they are unsure what to expect, what would you say to them?

"JUST. FUCKING. CUM. But yeah… just get your pink clothes out of your closet and have a fun night with us. Much better than staying at home or going elsewhere!"

Q: I’m driving all the way from London to Gemert to get smashed. Trust me, the Crazy Dutchman will have one final party before he wraps up everything (it’s been many years, since 1998, and my health ain’t the best anymore). Will you be serving pink drinks at the bar?

"You are a legend for coming but we had to have you there! Looking forward to it. It’s going to be special as it’s been so long for you, so I hope it lives up to your expectations! We will do our best to look after you and serve you pink drinks. And do body shots from you."

Q: Pink is the theme. No pink at the entry means spit in your hair. But what if my foreskin is pink, will you still spit on me, or spit on my knob?

"We can spit anywhere you like. We can tape you to a wall and stub cigarettes out on your big black nipples."

Q: Any secrets you want to share to the fans, secrets we are not aware of? Has Caine got a foreskin? A hatred towards Egyptian pyramids? A toy car stuck in his beard? Who’s got the longest knob?

"Caine is actually 15 years old. GPF has 5 members. We’re going to release a secret album this year. The world is going to end in 2001. If you have size 10 shoes then you have a 69% chance of being gay. Cheese is good for your health. Remember to suck a toe daily as it’s good."

Q: The event takes place on the 16th between 22:00 and 05:00. Which set should we look out for? And again, why is Caine there?

"Who’s Caine? And which event?"

Greazy Puzzy Fuckerz

Q: All jokes aside, I love GPF. I’ve reviewed many mixes and albums, and will continue until the day I die. For those eager enough to see you more than once, where can they find you in the future?

"2019 is a pretty full schedule already! We’ve already announced the likes of Hardshock and Harmony of Hardcore. If you keep an eye on the Events tab on our facebook page, I regularly update it. So everyone, come and see us and get sweaty."

Q: When are you cumming to London? We need you here!

"Hmm, an England gig would be sexy! No requests as of yet though.. Promoters – get your finger out of your asses and get us to the UK!"

Q: I always thank my mom and dad whenever I can. Because of them having sexy time together I’m here. And where would the world be without me? Who would you thank, if this is your ‘miss Universe’ moment (you won the contest)….?

"We would probably thank Elvis as he has been a major inspiration. Also Apollo Creed as he was a very motivational man who has got us through many hard times. I’d also like to thank you for being so sexy and wet. We love you. Thanks a lot for your time. x"

Thank you, GPF, for the weirdest interview ever! For those who spent their time on this website, please elaborate why you haven't purchased tickets yet? Click on the banner below this section, and it will take you to the sexiest website ever!

If you are interested, click on the banner, or click on the links below, to find everything GPF related. And as an added bonus: the three sextapes you are ALL craving for!

Seriously, get tickets. Or they cancel the event!

Thanks again GPF. I love you too! x

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